Rita Rudner Funny Quotes | Rita Rudner Funny Jokes

All of the jokes on this page are quotes from Rita Rudner

"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

"I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them."

"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."

"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping."

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."

If you liked the humor of this author, here are other authors you may enjoy. Dave Barry | Erma Bombeck | Jerry Seinfeld | Lily Tomlin | Paula Poundstone