1. "I’m getting a divorce," Bill said to his friend. ‘My wife hasn’t spoken to me in six months."

The friend thought for a moment and then replied, "Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Bill. Wives like that are hard to find"

2. A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

3. A man is complaining to a friend: "I had it all, money, a beautiful house, an expensive car, a small yacht and the love of a beautiful woman. Then, all of a sudden, it was all gone!"

"What happened?" asked the friend.

"My wife found out!" replied the man.

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the employee replied.

"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday, to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

After a rough landing in Kos Angeles, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until the Captain and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. Once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the doors and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said: "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change"

Former college basketball coach Abe Lemmons made the following observations concerning the differences between doctors and coaches.

Doctors can bury their mistakes:
Coaches still have theirs on scholarships.

Finish last in medical school and they call you a doctor.
Finish last in your league and they call you an idiot.

Just once I'd like to see the win-loss records of doctors right out front where people can see them: Won ten, Lost six, Tied zero.