2008-10-11T22:10:00Z The Joke Index dh@thejokeindex.com Copyright 2008, The Joke Index dh@thejokeindex.com SPHPBLOG
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a hole in the wood.

He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the people started chanting, "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."
]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080625-220029 2008-06-26T00:00:00Z 2008-06-26T00:00:00Z
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080530-005020 2008-05-30T00:00:00Z 2008-05-30T00:00:00Z
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."

A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. "Jury trial," the defendant replied. "Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge. "Sure," replied the defendant, "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "$50.00 for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that kinda steep?", asked the man while dolling out the $50.00. "Yes," answered the lawyer, "what's your third question?"]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080523-211315 2008-05-24T00:00:00Z 2008-05-24T00:00:00Z
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080521-162115 2008-05-21T00:00:00Z 2008-05-21T00:00:00Z
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080521-161930 2008-05-21T00:00:00Z 2008-05-21T00:00:00Z
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080521-161751 2008-05-21T00:00:00Z 2008-05-21T00:00:00Z
New bathtub..................................... $800

Replace pants covered in paint.................. $19

Watering the front yard and flowers, standing in the front of the house waving as friends drive by(while the first coat of paint dries)................................$10

Realizing after coming in the house that you still have a shower cap on your head.....priceless

Note: The person who submitted this quip stated that this was not made up, it really happend to her.
]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080519-150731 2008-05-19T00:00:00Z 2008-05-19T00:00:00Z
A bartender is a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

All generalizations are false, including this one.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080516-222906 2008-05-17T00:00:00Z 2008-05-17T00:00:00Z
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

My Reality Check bounced.

Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any.

What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.

Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080515-153706 2008-05-15T00:00:00Z 2008-05-15T00:00:00Z
Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

Why was man created before woman? Because you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

What are 3 words you never wanna hear while making love? Honey, I'm home!]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry080515-152947 2008-05-15T00:00:00Z 2008-05-15T00:00:00Z