2012-05-18T11:25:23Z The Joke Index dh@thejokeindex.com Copyright 2012, The Joke Index dh@thejokeindex.com SPHPBLOG
2. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

3. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

4. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

5. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

6. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

7. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

8. Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

9. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

10. You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120511-005039 2012-05-11T00:00:00Z 2012-05-11T00:00:00Z
Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper."]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120511-004654 2012-05-11T00:00:00Z 2012-05-11T00:00:00Z
2. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

3. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

4. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

5. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

6. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

7. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

8. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

9. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

10. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120511-003716 2012-05-11T00:00:00Z 2012-05-11T00:00:00Z
2. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

3. It's not who you know, it's whom you know.

4. When at the window at the unemployment office, loudly say, "I didn't get to where I am today by listening to people like you!"

5. There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

6. Some people have skeletons in their closet. I have a whole graveyard!

7. I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

8. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

9. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

10. Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120508-013746 2012-05-08T00:00:00Z 2012-05-08T00:00:00Z
2. After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.

3. After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.

4. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

5. If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and keep away from children.

6. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

7. Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

8. A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."

9. Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

10. A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120508-012525 2012-05-08T00:00:00Z 2012-05-08T00:00:00Z
A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"

the customer answered, "I'd like that chocolate covered, cream filled doughnut, that jelly filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120508-011228 2012-05-08T00:00:00Z 2012-05-08T00:00:00Z
2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

4. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.

5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

6. If at first you don't succeed--try management.

7. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

8. Never quit until you have another job.

9. Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.

10. Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120506-013344 2012-05-06T00:00:00Z 2012-05-06T00:00:00Z
2. "Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?"

3. "Why do they report power outages on TV?"

4. "When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?"

5. "When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?"

6. "Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?"

7. "If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"

8. "If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?"

9. "Why is the word abbreviation so long?"

10. "Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?"]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120506-010830 2012-05-06T00:00:00Z 2012-05-06T00:00:00Z
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the wife says.

The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.

"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120501-015926 2012-05-01T00:00:00Z 2012-05-01T00:00:00Z
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. A dog's parents never visit you.

4. Dogs like it if you leave things on the floor.

5. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

6. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, 'If I died, would you get another dog?'

7. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

8. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

9. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

10. If a dog leaves you, it won't take half of everything you own.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/jokequips/index.php?entry=entry120501-012207 2012-05-01T00:00:00Z 2012-05-01T00:00:00Z