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He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Linda, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."

The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Linda, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Linda"

The mother broke in, "My little girl's name is Susan. I'm Linda."]]> Parenting Jokes http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-013554 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 11 May 2012 08:35:54 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=12&m=05&entry=entry120511-013554 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-012853
2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.

3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.

4. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.

5. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.

6. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.

7. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.

8. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.

9. What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice Krispies.

10. Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.]]> Parenting Jokes http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-012853 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 11 May 2012 08:28:53 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=12&m=05&entry=entry120511-012853 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-011739
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."

With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a bad baby?"
She said, "Oh, no. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"]]> Random Jokes http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-011739 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 11 May 2012 08:17:39 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=12&m=05&entry=entry120511-011739 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-011419
Get out of the car you dirty rotten scoundrels!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.]]> Random Jokes http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-011419 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 11 May 2012 08:14:19 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=12&m=05&entry=entry120511-011419 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-011127
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive."]]> Random Jokes http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-011127 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 11 May 2012 08:11:27 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=12&m=05&entry=entry120511-011127 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-010838
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens. He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention so he's let go .

The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.

They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem."]]> Random Jokes http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-010838 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 11 May 2012 08:08:38 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=12&m=05&entry=entry120511-010838 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-005959
The brunette combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural.

Then the bartender asks the red head how she keeps her hair so red. She combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural.

Then he asks the green haired girl how she keeps her hair so green. She sneezes into her hands, combs her hands through her hair and says, "Its natural."
]]> Random Jokes http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-005959 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 11 May 2012 07:59:59 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=12&m=05&entry=entry120511-005959 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-003257
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"]]> Random Jokes http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry120511-003257 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 11 May 2012 07:32:57 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=12&m=05&entry=entry120511-003257