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Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reaches back and unzipps her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reaches back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reaches back and unzips her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifts up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrased the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus.

The girl turns around furiously and says, “How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!”

The man says, “Well, Miss, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.”]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110408-200334 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 09 Apr 2011 03:03:34 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=11&m=04&entry=entry110408-200334 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110408-194150
"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yes, well, he's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110408-194150 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 09 Apr 2011 02:41:50 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=11&m=04&entry=entry110408-194150 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110408-185609
One woman in particular loses it! Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"

For a moment there is silence.

Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.

"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.

He's drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110408-185609 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 09 Apr 2011 01:56:09 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=11&m=04&entry=entry110408-185609 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110408-184708
The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.

The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying.

Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.

When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.

"Here's the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!"

The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!"]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110408-184708 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 09 Apr 2011 01:47:08 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=11&m=04&entry=entry110408-184708 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110312-224906
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her purchases," said the clerk.
]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110312-224906 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 13 Mar 2011 06:49:06 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=11&m=03&entry=entry110312-224906 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110312-224239
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "The Gold Dust Twins are coming" and I had to smile. "

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to grin."

"Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly control myself."

"BUT....when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident." I couldn't help laughing out loud."

"Case Dismissed" said the Judge.
]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110312-224239 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 13 Mar 2011 06:42:39 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=11&m=03&entry=entry110312-224239 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110312-223406
Well, nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a good time and doing that "party thing."

Suddenly, there was this big splash! The host looked and saw a man swimming to beat heck across the tank, and, lo and behold, he made it!

The host walked over to the man and said, "Alright, you made it, WOW!. What are your 3 wishes?"

The man replied,

"1. You see that shotgun of yours? Give it to me.

2. See those shotgun shells over there? Give them to me.

3. Now, show me the guy who pushed me in."]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110312-223406 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 13 Mar 2011 06:34:06 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=11&m=03&entry=entry110312-223406 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110312-220004
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry110312-220004 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 13 Mar 2011 06:00:04 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=11&m=03&entry=entry110312-220004