http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php Copyright 2008, The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com en-US SPHPBLOG 0.4.8 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080717-172927 lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said,
"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any
windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shacked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on
in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a
thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to
grant three wishes-I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last
one for myself."

"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for
the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with
a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of
money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and
said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies?....That's amazing!"]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080717-172927 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:29:27 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=07&entry=entry080717-172927 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080625-140628
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080625-140628 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:06:28 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=06&entry=entry080625-140628 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080529-221720
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080529-221720 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 30 May 2008 03:17:20 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080529-221720 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080524-215144
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"

On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."

In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional!"

At a diet center: "It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts!" ]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080524-215144 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 25 May 2008 02:51:44 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080524-215144 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080521-160318 A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes.....

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

and

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Show up naked...
2. Bring Alcohol...]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080521-160318 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Wed, 21 May 2008 21:03:18 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080521-160318 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080519-154309 @ WORK: You spend most of your time in an 6X6 cubicle

@ PRISON: You get three meals a day, fully paid for
@ WORK: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

@ PRISON: For good behavior, you get time off
@ WORK: For good behavior, you get more work

@ PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
@ WORK: You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself

@ PRISON: You can watch TV and play games
@ WORK: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games

@ PRISON: You get your own toilet
@ WORK: You have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat

@ PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit
@ WORK: You aren't even supposed to speak to your family

@ PRISON: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
@ WORK: You pay all your own expenses to go to work and then taxes are deducted from your salary to pay for prisoners

@ PRISON: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
@ WORK: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

@ PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens
@ WORK: They're called 'managers']]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080519-154309 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Mon, 19 May 2008 20:43:09 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080519-154309 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080516-222257
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............," he sighed, ..... "Let's put all of these frosted flakes back into the box."]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080516-222257 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 17 May 2008 03:22:57 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080516-222257 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080515-162413
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," his dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080515-162413 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Thu, 15 May 2008 21:24:13 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080515-162413 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080514-215255
2. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

3. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

4. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

5. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

6. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

7. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

8. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

9. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

10. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

11. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

12. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

13. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never run out of material.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080514-215255 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Thu, 15 May 2008 02:52:55 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080514-215255 http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080513-164814
Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent , please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional , press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, hang up. it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are
too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the
fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.]]> http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/index.php?entry=entry080513-164814 The Joke Index fj@thejokeindex.com Tue, 13 May 2008 21:48:14 GMT http://www.thejokeindex.com/funnyjokes/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080513-164814