1. Neither understands what you see in cats.

2. Neither of them does dishes.

3. Both mark their territory.

4. Both tend to smell riper with age.

5. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaners.

6. Both take up too much space on the bed.

7. Neither of them notices when you get your hair done.

8. Neither of them can properly use a toilet.

1. The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.

2. He goes to a woman dentist - it's a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.

3. Although he wears the pants in the house, he wears them under his apron.

4. Although he always has the last word it's always, "I'm sorry.

5. Although he always says what he thinks, it's always what she tells him to think.

1. When you are dating - He takes you out to have a good time.

When you are married - He brings home a six pack, plops down on the couch and says "What's for dinner?"

2. When you are dating - He knows what a laundry hamper is.

When you are married - The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.

3. When you are dating - He likes to talk with you about things.

When you are married - He develops a blank stare.

4. When you are dating - You enjoyed foreplay.

When you are married - You say to him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"

5. When you are dating - You picture the two of you growing old together.

When you are married - You wonder who will die first.

It was Friday night and Bill and his wife, Linda, had just gotten into their third argument of the day and were now giving each other the silent treatment, vowing not to be the first one to speak.

As Bill was getting ready for bed he realized that he would need his wife, who was an earlie riser and always woke up before 5:ooam, to wake him at 5:30am for a game of golf with his friends. Not wanting to lose the battle of wills, he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Linda, please wake me at 5:30am."

The next morning, Bill woke up at 8:00am, having missed the golf game with his friends. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on the bedside table.

It read,

"Bill, it's 5:30am. Wake up."