1. The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.

2. He goes to a woman dentist - it's a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.

3. Although he wears the pants in the house, he wears them under his apron.

4. Although he always has the last word it's always, "I'm sorry.

5. Although he always says what he thinks, it's always what she tells him to think.

1. When you are dating - He takes you out to have a good time.

When you are married - He brings home a six pack, plops down on the couch and says "What's for dinner?"

2. When you are dating - He knows what a laundry hamper is.

When you are married - The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.

3. When you are dating - He likes to talk with you about things.

When you are married - He develops a blank stare.

4. When you are dating - You enjoyed foreplay.

When you are married - You say to him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"

5. When you are dating - You picture the two of you growing old together.

When you are married - You wonder who will die first.

It was Friday night and Bill and his wife, Linda, had just gotten into their third argument of the day and were now giving each other the silent treatment, vowing not to be the first one to speak.

As Bill was getting ready for bed he realized that he would need his wife, who was an earlie riser and always woke up before 5:ooam, to wake him at 5:30am for a game of golf with his friends. Not wanting to lose the battle of wills, he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Linda, please wake me at 5:30am."

The next morning, Bill woke up at 8:00am, having missed the golf game with his friends. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on the bedside table.

It read,

"Bill, it's 5:30am. Wake up."

If you're irreplaceable you can't be replaced and you can't be promoted.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.