From: Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."

"Don't what?", Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."

"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?"

"It's over there," said God, wondering why He hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Adam answered.

God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

A man was driving down a rural road and accidently drove his car into a ditch. Luckily, a local farmer, with a large strong horse, came by and offered to help get the car out of the ditch. He hitched the horse up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Betty, pull!" The horse didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Billy, pull!" The horse still didn't move.

Once more the farmer ordered, "Pull, Argus, pull!" Again no response.

Then the farmer quietly said, "Pull, Topper, pull!" The horse started moving and easily pulled the car out of the ditch.

The driber was very appreciative and also very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by four different names.

The farmer said, "Oh, Topper is blind and kind of lazy, if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Emma received a parrot from her son for her birthday. The parrot turned out to be very rude and it's vocabulary was quite obscene. Every other word was an obscenity. Emma tried hard to teach the parrot to use better language and was constantly saying polite words to it and trying to correct it's language. She even tried putting a cover over the bird's cage whenever it used an obscenity but nothing worked. Finally, in a moment of frustration, Emma grabbed the bird and put it in the freezer. She heard the bird squawking and then suddenly, there was quiet.

Emma, afraid she might have killed the parrot, quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot slowly stepped out and said "I believe I may have offended you with my obscene language. I really am very sorry and beg your forgiveness." Emma was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "If you don't mind may I ask what the chicken did?"

A turkey was talking to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you eat on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more manure, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

A farmer spotted him up there and shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but but it won't keep you there.