1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer's statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work.

2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.

3. Death, Other than Your Own: This is no excuse. If you can arrange the funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.

4. Death, Your Own: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.

5. Quantity of Work: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

6. Quality of Work: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.

7. Advice from the Commanding Officer: Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

8. The senior officer is Always Right.

9. When the senior officer is Wrong, Refer to Rule 8.

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Marine is better than ten taliban".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice then calls out "One Marine is better than one hundred taliban". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The voice calls out again "One Marine is better than one thousand Taliban". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them.

A private had deceided against reinlistment. When the private told an officer that he was leaving the Marine Corps, the officer asked the private, "Are you married, son?"

"No, sir," the private replied. "Engaged."

"You know there's really no reason to get married," said the officer who sensed an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?"

"With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "a divorce!"

A new soldier was on guard duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.

A large black Army car drove up and a general was seated in the back. The guard said, “Halt, who goes there?”

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, “General Johnson.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. You’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.”

The general said to the driver, “Drive on!”

The guard said, “Hold it! You really can’t come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker.”

The general repeated to the driver, “I’m telling you, son, drive on!”

The guard walked up to the rear window and said, “General, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?”