Fran Lebowitz Funny Quotes | Fran Lebowitz Funny Jokes

All of the jokes on this page are quotes from Fran Lebowitz

“Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.”

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”

“To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.”

“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.”

“polite conversation is rarely either”

“I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.”

“As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.”

“When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.”

“I am not the type of person who wants to go back to the land I am the type who wants to got back to the hotel.”

“My favorite animal is steak.”

“I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.”

“The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive – you are leaking.”

“I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.”

“I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.”

“Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.”

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